If you are interested in educating yourself about sex addiction and the harmful impact it has had on the spouse, I highly recommend visiting www.btr.org. This organization has helped many men and women on their path to recovery. They offer one-on-one counseling, recovery groups for both men and women, support groups, blogs, and more, so you do not have to feel alone. I have used the services they offer many times, and have never walked away disappointed.
The Center for Peace, also offered through BTR, is a program specific for men who are seeking true recovery, not just sobriety. (Recovery encompasses the many behaviors that accompanied the sexually acting out, as outlined below.)
The 13 Forms of Domestic Abuse
From BTR. org by Anne Blythe
1) Child Abuse
threatening to harm children
threatening to take children away
refusing to comply with child support
using children as leverage
belittling you in front of children
using children to keep you silent
abusing your children
2) Cultural Abuse
using culture as an excuse for mistreatment
putting down your culture
forcing you to accept or embrace his culture
isolating you from mainstream cultural practices
using culture to keep you silent
using language barriers to isolate you
not providing translation when you can’t understand
3) Emotional Abuse
incessant teasing
invalidating your feelings
using guilt to manipulate you
blame you for everything
acting jealous (calling it protective)
threatening you
withholding affection
waking you up from sleep
stalking your whereabouts
stalking your social media/electronic devices
giving you the silent treatment
lying or omission of truth
4) Financial Abuse
limiting your access to money
not sharing bank accounts
requiring an account of every penny spent
making you ask for spending money
controlling the income and cash flow
making financial decisions without you
closing accounts without telling you
creating debt you didn’t agree with or know about
wasting resources
not paying child support
taking care of their own needs but neglecting yours or the children’s
calling welfare to interfere with income
confiscating your income or cash
5) Intellectual Abuse
saying you’re over-sensitive
saying you’re crazy
manipulating information or facts
attacking your ideas
devaluing your opinions
demanding perfection
playing head games
making you prove things
shaming your tastes
insulting your education
dumbing you down
6) Pets & Property Abuse
destroying property
breaking or smashing things
punching walls
slamming doors
hurting pets
damaging your car
confiscating your car keys
keeping your identification or Driver’s License
controlling your access to GPS or computers/phones
selling items w/o telling you
keeping cash from selling your things
threatening to do any of the above
7) Physical Abuse
driving too fast or recklessly
slapping or hitting
kicking, punching, or biting
pinching or twisting
restraining you
choking you
spitting on you
intimidating you with actions or gestures
throwing things at you
using items other than hands to hurt you
locking you out of the house
making you sleep outside
blocking exits, not letting you leave
8) Psychological Abuse
saying things and then denying it later (gaslighting)
intimidating you with words or gestures or actions
displaying weapons
threatening to commit suicide
threatening to hurt you
threatening to kill you
minimizing actions or threats after the fact
making it sound like you misunderstood or made it up
controlling your access to food
dictating what you eat
using gestures or body language to control you through fear
9) Sexual Abuse
using pornography
demanding that you use pornography
demanding sex as payment
withholding sex
criticizing your body sexually
comparing your sexuality to others
having an affair
threatening to have an affair
forcing sex
manipulating sex
sexual put-downs
sexually abusing others
10) Social Abuse
isolating you from friends
isolating you from family
monitoring your phone calls
monitoring your emails/social media
monitoring your mileage
controlling who you are allowed to see or talk to
controlling your freedom to work
controlling your freedom to get education
keeping you at home
not allowing equal access to social interaction
telling you not to talk about your relationship with other people
11) Spiritual Abuse
using scripture to excuse abusive behavior
using scripture to manipulate you
twisting scripture to gain power
putting down your beliefs
isolating you from your faith community
using his church to his advantage over you
refusing to get counseling
dictating who you are allowed to see for counseling
using scripture to keep you silent
soul-destroying behaviors
12) Verbal Abuse
calling you names
swearing at you
yelling or screaming
using sarcasm to put you down
being condescending
insulting you
body shaming you
cutting you off in conversation
telling you to be quiet around other people
intimidating you
13) Power Abuse Lies at the Core of All Abusive Systems
creates chaos and conflict by turning people against each other, misrepresenting situations
twists past events to gain control
credit hog — acts like they get everything done, doesn’t give healthy credit where it’s due
delusions of grandeur, believes they are smarter/wiser/stronger/richer/more powerful than they are
refuses to get counseling, refuses to allow spouse to get counseling
projecting addictions as spouse’s fault w/o taking responsibility
racist/elitist — diminishes/ridicules culture, color, gender, age, status —believes own identity is superior
obsessed with being “respected,” may get aggressive to peers/children/elderly if perceives they are acting with “disrespect”
entitled, act as if they’re better than others, others should give way to their preferences, others should take care of their needs.
MISTY IS ADDING ONE MORE FORM OF ABUSE:
Technology Abuse (can include, but not limited to...)
Acting out sexually on devices, such as phones and computers.
Creates fake Facebook or social media account
Signs in on wife’s social media account to view other women
Uses devices to view porn
Signs up on dating sites, listing himself as “single” or “divorced” or creates fake identity.
Sexting/sending nude pictures through computer or phones
Erasing history on computers
Signs in under a different name, whether made up or another member in the family, to act out sexually, hide accounts, etc.
Tracking/stalking spouse location via GPS or 360 app
Putting a filter on all devices, but savvy enough to go around them at any time to still act out.
“Safe searches”…googling words or phrases that seem “innocent” with the intent to come across images to feed sex addiction.
Channel surfing…intentionally going channel to channel on TV to “stumble” across sexual content.
Joining online chat rooms
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