When first hearing about asking your spouse to take a polygraph, it can cause an entire cascade of emotions. Initially, one may minimize the need for it or view it as "over the top." But there is a valid reason why many professionals like to include a polygraph when dealing with betrayal and infidelity: the lies.
Sex addicts become master liars. They lie to God, to others and they lie to their own selves. They are self-worshipers and will idolize self at all cost. This is why I stress "safety first" when coming out of sexual addiction and into recovery. This is recommended to implement AFTER your spouse has offered you a full, written, therapeutic disclosure of his chronological sexual history.
Here are a few reasons why a polygraph can benefit THE RECOVERING SEX ADDICT:
Helps build trust with spouse.
Can rule out suspected behavior with more severe consequences, such as view illegal material online.
Encourages freedom, because everything it brought into the light.
Increases accountability.
Speeds up recovery work with a "clean slate."
Here are a few reasons why a polygraph can benefit THE SPOUSE:
Practical way to obtain truth
Infuses early recovery with added accountability.
Restore's your ability to trust your "gut instinct" again.
Offers protection from partial disclosure or lies by omission.
Provides accurate information so you can make wise decisions for your future.
Validates wife.
Helps establish emotional and physical safety.
A good barometer to see how committed your spouse is to recovery.
EXAMPLES OF QUESTIONS FOR POLYGRAPH:
1. Have you ever created or generated any secret emails or accounts?
2. Have you revealed all the sexual contact or conversations outside of your marriage to your wife?
3. Since October 8th, 2020, have you masturbated?
4. Since October 8th, 2020, have you ever visited strip clubs, massage parlors, adult bookstores for sex?
5. Since October 8th, 2020, have you been grooming, having sexual or romantic communications with anyone outside your marriage?
6. Have you lied to your wife about any secret bank accounts or assets?
7. Since October 8th, 2020, have you ever viewed pornography?
8. Is your wife informed of all your sexual acting-out behaviors?
9. Since October 8th, 2020, have you acted outside of your marriage sexually?
10. Since October 8th, 2020, have you had sex with any other person other than your wife to include hand, oral, vaginal, or anal sex?
11. Since October 8th, 2020, have you lied about any information with your wife?
12. Have you knowingly concealed or lied about any information provided before this exam?
13. Have you been completely honest with me about the answers to this exam?
For my marriage, this was one of the best tools we used, especially when partnered with a full, written, therapeutic disclosure and a 90-Day sex fast.
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